Bette
October 18, 2000

DJE guest stars as himself, playing Harm, on this episode of Bette Midler's new sitcom. Bette wins a Golden Globe for her guest appearance on JAG. The episode opens with the clip of Captain Bette and Harm. It is "1500 ZULU. Joint Strike Force Command". Bette is sitting in the CO's chair. There is a knock on the door.

Bette: Enter!
Harm: You wanted to see me, Cap'n?
Bette: Yes I did, Commander. ...

 

Bette: Wipe that smirk off your face, pretty boy! I guess you're feeling mighty proud of yourself, aren't you? Launching an unauthorized air attack on that Libyan chemical plant?
Harm: Under your order, ma'am.
Bette: Yes! ... Well! That's just your word against mine, isn't it, blue eyes? You're grounded, hotshot!
Harm: But ...
Bette: Butt! The only butt you should worry about is yours ... [she stalks around him, eyes admiringly on his six] ... at a court-martial!

Bette: Dis-missed!
Harm: You're crazy, Cap'n! I won't let you get away with this!
Bette: [producing gun] You and what army?

 

 

     In her frenzied acceptance speech, Bette thanks her "favourite JAG of all ... Elliott David James, my rock, my co-star, my best friend. Oh Elliott! I'll never forget you!" Unfortunately she forgets to thank her husband. She then spends the entire episode proper trying to make amends. The episode ends with an "outtake" from her appearance on JAG.  It is the same scene that was shown at the beginning.

Bette: Enter!
Harm: You wanted to see me, Cap'n?
Bette: Yes I did, JAG.
DJE: Bette!
Bette:Yeah, what?
DJE: You called me JAG again!

Bette: Isn't that your name?
DJE: No! For the 500th time, NO!
Bette: Well, well, ... who's JAG? How come I'm doing this thing with JAG then?

 

DJE:She ate all the Butterfingers in my trailer! Who the hell let her into my trailer?
Bette: Okay, who's JAG? Will someone just tell me, who is JAG? Connie, Connie! Who the hell is JAG?
[Bette storms angrily off the set.
DJE stares after her in total exasperation, then throws his hat at her departing back.]

 

 

Extra caps:

Download 'outtake' clip